Working Through Challenging Moments With Clients

Some of my most challenging moments with clients are when I feel criticized, shamed, corrected, and challenged. I may get scared, hold my breath, search for an explanation, and defend myself with a complex psychological retort.

Therapist Growth Potential

But what if the client is right? What if there is a gift of learning here? Maybe I could have remembered his girlfriend’s name. Maybe I could have been more flexible with the cancellation fee. Maybe I could listen more and comment less. Can I benefit and grow from this exchange?

Client Growth Potential

A client’s upset is also a good opportunity to review the therapeutic contract. What is the client wanting help with in therapy? Could the challenging moment be used to deepen the work at hand? Maybe the client is working on expressing self-needs, and this can be viewed as progress. Maybe the client is pointing the way to deeper emotional pain that can be a primary focus for therapy.

Way Through

Of course, we therapists are not in this work to be mistreated or abused. We all need to define where to draw our professional boundaries. If we can talk with a client about a challenging moment between us, defenses soften on both sides, and we can collaborate on how it may relate to therapeutic goals, then there’s a good chance we can progress together. If both of our defenses stay entrenched and the interaction is not resolved, that may point to one of us leaving the therapeutic relationship sooner than later.

Matthew Litschi is in private practice here in Tucson.
Specializing in couples therapy, estranged families, and men’s groups.